| As much as we try to protect our children from frightening news reports, there is likely no child in America who will escape seeing or hearing about the war going on in the world.
As you struggle to handle your own feelings consider these tips for talking with your children.
How you respond to their fears, feelings, and questions is the key to helping them feel safe again.
Turn off the TV. Don’t let your own desire to keep up with the news get in the way of your children’s well-being.
Even if your children are very young, the continual commentary, frightening speculation, and repeated replaying of the disasters on TV will only fuel their fears and insecurities, not to mention your own.
Reassure. If you’re faced with a question you just can’t answer, remember that the most important thing you can do for your children is reassure them that you’ll do everything you can to keep them and the rest of your family (including yourself) safe.
Tell them it’s the job of the grown-ups around them to protect them.
Assure them that you, their teachers or caregivers and the other adults around them care about them and will do everything possible to keep them safe.
Tell your kids that a lot of people are thinking about safety and working hard to prevent more violence.
Be available. Let your children ask questions.
It may be tempting to say, “Everything is fine. We’re far away from the war and nothing will happen to us.”
But that can sound dismissive to your children if you aren’t also addressing their specific concerns.
The best thing you can do is listen to their questions and continually reassure then.
If you’re at work during the day, give your children the number and let them call you whenever they are worried about something.
You could also ask your children what their biggest fears are, and encourage them to talk about them.
If they’re having trouble articulating them, consider these common fears after a disaster or tragedy and try to address them even if your children don’t mention them specifically:
- The event will happen again
- Someone they care about will be injured or killed
- They will be separated from the family
- They will be left alone
Keep in mind, too, that it’s also common for children to express concern for people they don’t know.
Be supportive of these concerns.
Play with children who can’t talk yet.
If you have a child who is too young to ask detailed questions or express his feelings, that doesn’t mean s/he isn’t fearful or worried by the atmosphere around him/her.
To help a young child express feelings get on the floor and start playing – puppet shows, drawing pictures and
reading books can help small children get those emotions out. If your child draws pictures and then wants to tear them up, that’s okay. It’s a perfectly natural physical way to deal with frustration and anxiety.
You might also consider setting up a play situation where your child can scare you.
“If you then act really scared but in a lighthearted way, s/he’ll be able to laugh about seeing someone bigger in a vulnerable position,” family therapist Alison
Ehara-Brown says, “This will help him/her regain a sense of power and allow her/him to work out his/her fears.
Keep up your family routines. Children of all ages thrive on routine.
It doesn’t make sense to pretend that life is normal if your family has been deeply affected by large events, but the groove of their daily lives –dinner, bath, reading time – can be tremendously reassuring to children.
If your children are home from school for one or more days, try to keep them on a weekend schedule of meals, playtime, etc.
Consider how you can help. Children can regain their sense of power and security if they feel they can help in some way.
Right now, the best thing you can do is follow instructions. In the coming days, we’ll learn more about what’s needed.
It may be food or clothing donations, blood, or even financial support.
Asking your children to gather some old clothes, toys or food and packaging them up together will give them a sense of helping others that will go a long way toward making them feel better.
For additional information about
this topic visit these Web site Resources:
www.familyeducation.com
www.aboutourkids.org
www.pbskids.org/rogers/parents/sept.11.htm
www.nmha.org/reassurance/children/DealwithWar.cfm
www.cbc.ca/kids/parents/childrenandwar/
www.connectforkids.org
www.fema.gov/kids/terrism.htm
www.brown.edu/Departments/IESE/resources/learnfrom911.html
www.psych.org/disaster/childrentragedy11801.cfm
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